Friday Fun

[TargetP]

LITTLE RALPHY ON MATH



A teacher asks her class, 'If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and
you shoot one of them, how many will be left?'

She calls on little Ralphy.



He replies, 'None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot.'



The teacher replies, 'The correct answer is 4, but I like your
thinking.'



Then little RALPHY says, 'I have a question for YOU.



There are 3 women sitting on a bench having ice cream:



One is delicately licking the sides of the triple scoop of ice cream.

The second is gobbling down the top and sucking the cone.



The third is biting off the top of the ice cream.

Which one is married?'



The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, 'Well, I suppose the one
that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone.'



To which Little RALPHY replied, 'The correct answer is 'the one with the
wedding ring on,' but I like your thinking.'




LITTLE RALPHY ON MATH (Part 2)




Little RALPHY returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.



'Why?' asks the father?



'The teacher asked 'How much is 2x3,'' I said '6', replies RALPHY.



'But that's right!' says his dad.



'Yeah, but then she asked me 'How much is 3x2?''



'What's the f...... difference?' asks the father.



'That's what I said!'






LITTLE RALPHY ON ENGLISH




Little RALPHY goes to school, and the teacher says, 'Today we are going
to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an example of a
multi-syllable word?'



RALPHY says 'Mas-tur-bate.'



Miss Rogers smiles and says, 'Wow, little RALPHY, that's a mouthful.'



Little RALPHY says, 'No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob.'






LITTLE RALPHY ON GRAMMAR




Little RALPHY was sitting in class one day.

All of a sudden, he needed to go to the toilet.

He yelled out, 'Miss Jones, I need to take a piss!!'



The teacher replied, 'Now, RALPHY, that is NOT the proper word to use in
this situation.

The correct word you want to use is 'urinate.'

Please use the word 'ur-i-nate' in a sentence correctly, and I will
allow you to go.'



Little RALPHY, thinks for a bit, and then says, 'You're an eight, but if

you had bigger tits, you'd be a TEN!'






LITTLE RALPHY ON GRAMMAR (Part 2)




One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a show
of hands from those= o could use the word 'beautiful' in the same
sentence twice.



First, she called on little Suzie, who responded with, 'My father bought
my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it.'



'Very good, Suzie,' replied the teacher. She then called on little
Michael.



'My mummy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out beautifully.'



She said, 'Excellent, Michael!' Then the teacher reluctantly called on
little RALPHY.



'Last night at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she was
pregnant, and he said 'Beautiful, just f...... beautiful!''




LITTLE RALPHY ON GETTING OLDER




Little RALPHY was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar
after another.

After the 6th one a man on the bench across from him said, 'Son, you
know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It will give you acne,
rot your teeth, and make you fat.'



Little RALPHY replied, 'My grandfather lived to be 107 years old.'



The man asked, 'Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?'

Little RALPHY answered, 'No, he minded his own f....... business.






I LOVE Little RALPHY!!!!!

[Dastardly]

Thanks for that Target very funny collection

Now why am i thinking that Ralphy could have been Sherlock growing up

[TargetP]

Python eats pet cat !!!....


I know its not Friday but this couldn't wait, enjoy

[Dastardly]

eeww poor little kitty

[TargetP]

An oldie but it made me laugh again so I thought why not

Rules for Bedroom Golf

1. Each player shall furnish his own equipment for play - normally one club and two balls.

2. Play on a course must be approved by the owner of the hole.

3. Unlike outdoor golf, the object is to get the club in the hole and keep the balls out.

4. For most effective play, the club should have a firm shaft. Course owners are permitted to check shaft stiffness before play begins.

5. Course owners reserve the right to restrict club length to avoid damage to the hole.

6. The object of the game is to take as many strokes as necessary until the course owner is satisfied that play is complete. Failure to do so may result in being denied permission to play the course again.

7. It is considered bad form to begin playing the hole immediately upon arrival at the course. The experienced player will normally take time to admire the entire course with special attention to well formed bunkers.

8. Players are cautioned not to mention other courses they have played, or are currently playing, to the owner of the course being played. Upset course owners have been known to damage players equipment for this reason.

9. Players are encouraged to bring proper rain gear for their own protection.

10. Players should ensure themselves that their match has been properly scheduled, particularly when a new course is being played for the first time. Previous players have been known to become irate if they discover someone else playing on what they considered to be a private course.

11. Players should not assume a course is in shape for play at all times. Some players may be embarrassed if they find the course to be temporarily under repair. Players are advised to be extremely tactful in this situation. More advanced players will find alternative means of play when this is the case.

12. The course owner is responsible for manicuring and pruning any bush around the hole to allow for improved viewing of, alignment with, and approach to the hole.

13. Players are advised to obtain the course owners permission before attempting to play the back nine.

14. Slow play is encouraged. However, players should be prepared to proceed at a quicker pace, at least temporarily, at the course owners request (Course time is Four to Five Hours).

15. It is considered outstanding performance, time permitting, to play the same hole several times in one match.

[TargetP]

You are going to need just over 8 minutes to watch this but it is well worth it - enjoy

[TargetP]

Mums - How good are they!!!

Peter invited his mother for dinner. During the course of the meal, his mother couldn't help but notice how lovely Peter's flat mate, Joanne, was.

She had long been suspicious of a relationship between the two, and this only made her more curious. Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between Peter and his flat mate than met the eye. Reading his mum's thoughts, Peter volunteered, 'I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, Joanne & I are just flat mates'.

About a week later, Joanne came to Peter saying, 'Ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the frying pan, you don't suppose she took it do you?

'Well I doubt it, but I'll e-mail her just to be sure' said Peter.



So he sat down and wrote



DEAR MOTHER,

I'M NOT SAYING THAT YOU 'DID' TAKE THE FRYING PAN FROM MY HOUSE. I'M NOT SAYING THAT YOU 'DID NOT' TAKE THE FRYING PAN BUT THE FACT REMAINS THAT IT HAS BEEN MISSING EVER SINCE YOU WERE HERE FOR DINNER.

LOVE PETER



Several days later, Peter received an email from his mother which read



DEAR SON,

I'M NOT SAYING THAT YOU 'DO' SLEEP WITH JOANNE, AND I'M NOT SAYING THAT YOU 'DO NOT' SLEEP WITH JOANNE, BUT THE FACT REMAINS THAT IF SHE WAS SLEEPING IN HER OWN BED, SHE WOULD HAVE FOUND THE FRYING PAN BY NOW.

LOVE MUM


Lesson of the day,

NEVER LIE TO YOUR MOTHER